Many of us have memories of staying home sick from school because we had a horrible stomach ache. When you look back, twenty or even thirty years later, you may admit that you stayed home, not because you were actually sick, but because you were dreading a math test or maybe you were anxious about something that happened to you at school or about being bullied on the playground. As an adult, perhaps you still have those “blue” days when you just can’t seem to get out of bed to get to work. You get a horrible migraine when the alarm goes off and you simply must call in sick. Then, as you're laying in bed, and the day stretches out before you, your ailment is suddenly gone. If you are being honest with yourself, it’s very likely that you were dreading a meeting at work, or an encounter with a stressful co-worker. Or perhaps there was some sort of trauma that happened to you that you are working through. A connection between our mind and body is not some New Age idea, but a reality. Did you ever notice how after pulling all nighters during your finals, or after a tough period of time at work, all of a sudden you get sick? Many medical studies have linked emotional or psychological stress as causing medical problems, including cancer. Our mind, body and emotions are all intertwined. When we feel physically sick, it is more difficult to have emotional energy and clarity. When we feel anxious, depressed, or stressed, our body is often affected and makes it difficult to do physical activities; we then often get sick. It’s common that people who have been abused, or experienced some type of trauma, or have been diagnosed as having Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), seek therapy to address their emotional pain. Often times, these people participate in therapy where they are primarily talking about their abuse or trauma with their therapist. While talk therapy and talking about trauma works for many people, there are also other forms of therapy that is not so traditional, that one can incorporate into their lives to address the trauma holistically. When someone experiences a trauma, it is not only a trauma to their mind, but a trauma to their body. Their palms sweat, their brain chemistry changes, and they go into a fight or flight mode. Thus, it should be no surprise that sometimes our body locks away stress and pain and emotion; sometimes this does not release with purely talk therapy. I encourage you to talk with your therapist about encorporating additional therapies inside and outside the therapist office in order to address your mind and body. Below are a few ways that some people incorporate a mind-body approach to healing from trauma and abuse. Yoga Meditation Massage Therapy EMDR Therapy Somatic Experiencing Therapy *Please keep in mind that this blog is written for the average person, hence the lack of notations and big words! That said, this post is not meant to offer clinical or medical advice, but rather is food for thought. You can take these ideas to discuss with your licensed therapist and talk about ways of incorporating them into your therapeutic plan.
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Is any Grief, “Good” Grief? Unfortunately, loss is a part of life. There is nothing like the loss of a relationship or death of a loved one to test the fragility of our emotions and the resiliency of the human spirit. Perhaps you have recently ended a long relationship; maybe you had to put down your beloved family dog; or a close family member has passed away. Whether it is an actual loss of a life, or the end of a relationship, loss is a part of the human experience. In an age where there seems to be a quick fix for everything, grieving is a process that is neither simple nor easy. Everyone experiences grief in different ways, thus there is no magic pill or perfect words to make it go away. “People's grief, and other reactions to emotional trauma, are as individual as a fingerprint.” There is no one way to mourn. Nor is there one way to measure someone’s grief against another’s. You may laugh at the way someone cries for days over the loss of a family pet, or be shocked that a co-worker doesn’t take time off to attend a funeral of their family member. However, it is important to remember, that everyone has their own way of processing grief. Regardless of how someone experiences their emotions, there is generally a cycle that they will go through. Dr Elisabeth Kübler-Ross created a model of the five stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance), which is the most commonly referenced cycle. Please note that Kübler-Ross did not intend this to be a rigid series of sequential steps. It’s more of a framework to guide you through stages. Not everyone will experience all five stages, and you may often revisit a stage. This is a visual to assist you grasp the feelings that you, or someone you know may be going through after a loss. Now What?
Now that you understand grief, what is the answer to the burning question: is there any “good” grief? Yes, grieving is good! It is important to allow yourself to feel sadness and pain when a loved one passes away, or you end a relationship. However, if your grieving affects your ability to take care of your daily needs, (sleeping, eating, getting out of bed to go to work, talking with family and friends), then you should seek support. If you start to rely on non prescribed medications or alcohol to sleep or get through the day, then it is likely that you may be “stuck” in the process. Luckily, there are many ways to get through this hard time. Whether it is formally talking to someone, like a therapist or your doctor, or informally, talking with family or friends, it is important to gain support to live the best life that you can. For those of you who are shoe fanatics, then you will easily relate to my analogy. Selecting the right therapist is like shopping for an amazing pair of shoes that you have long been coveting. You don’t necessarily have to buy the first fabulous pair of shoes that you see, right? When you look to invest in your mental health, similar to investing in your physical health and your own sense of personal style, you are looking for something that is comfortable, lasts for a long time, and is reliable; it may take a little time to find that perfect fit, but it is worth it in the long run!
I always tell people who are new to therapy that if initially they don’t feel that their therapist is a good match for them, don’t give up! If after 3-5 sessions, it still doesn’t feel like a good match, discuss it with your therapist and request a few referrals for other therapists. Although it may feel discouraging, just know that there IS a therapist out there that is right for you. The first thing that you should decide when selecting a therapist is what type of mental health professional you would like to see. Below is a quick description of different mental health professionals in the state of California. Licensed Clinical Social Workers (LCSWs) are therapists licensed by the state that they are practicing in. They possess a master's degree in social work. Emphasis is on primary service in psychosocial diagnosis, assessment and treatment, client advocacy, consultation, evaluation and research. Requirements for licensure include a related two-year master's or doctoral degree passage, of comprehensive examinations, and completion of at least 3,200 hours of supervised experience. (An ASW is a social worker who is working towards getting their license; they are supervised by an LCSW). Licensed Educational Psychologist (LEP) are psychologists who possess a master’s degree in psychology, educational psychology, school psychology, counseling and guidance, and must complete three years of full time experience (or the equivalent to three years of experience) working as a school psychologist and pass an exam. They often provide educational evaluations, consultation for educators, testing, and Interpretation of diagnostic tests related to academic learning processes including tests of academic ability, learning patterns, achievement, motivation, and personality factors. Marriage and family therapists (MFTs) are psychotherapists licensed by the state that they are practicing in. They have a master's degree in psychology, counseling psychology, clinical psychology, or marital and family therapy. Emphasis is on primary service in counseling and psychotherapy from a variety of therapeutic orientations with individuals, couples, families, and groups. Requirements for licensure include a related two-year master's or doctoral degree passage, of comprehensive examinations, and completion of at least 3,000 hours of supervised experience. (An MFT Intern is a therapist who is working towards getting their license; they are supervised by an MFT). Psychiatrists are medical doctors who have graduated Medical School and who specialize in psychiatry. Emphasis on primary service in prescribing and monitoring psychotropic medications and sometimes offers psychotherapy. Many LCSW and MFT therapists will work collaboratively with Psychiatrists. For example, if a therapist thinks that their client may be experiencing depression, they may refer their client to a Psychiatrist for further evaluation, and that Psychiatrist may prescribe medication. Psychologists possesses a doctoral degree in psychology or a related field with a license to practice therapy and conduct psychological testing and research. They must have completed 3,000 hours of supervised experience. It is important to ensure that your therapist is not only right for you, but is licensed and monitored by a governing body. Below are the ways that you can ensure that they are indeed legit: In California, you can check to ensure that your LCSW, MFT, or LEP therapist is licensed by going to the Board of Behavioral Sciences website and verifying their license. In California, you can check to ensure that your Psychologist is licensed by going to the Department of Consumer Affairs California Board of Psychology and verifying their license. In California, you can check to ensure that your Psychiatrist is licensed by going to the Department of Consumer Affairs California Medical Board and verifying their license. |
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